Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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