That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
