They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
