You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
