i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
