True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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