so explain again why im purple
no
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I could make wine with my vomit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
