She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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