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I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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