Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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