I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
