I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
