i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
