i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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