so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize