I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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