I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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