I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize