Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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