I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
