So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
