Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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