man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We left an ass print on the piano.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
