I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
