A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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