I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
