hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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