My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
