I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
