I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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