anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
