Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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