I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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