how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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