I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
