Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize