Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
