considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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