you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Mom said you looked used
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
