We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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