my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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