Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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