After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
