so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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