I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
