Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
