Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
