He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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