Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
