For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize