I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
