There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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