so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
