Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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