so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
