If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
