ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
