I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
