He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
