I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
