Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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