If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
