i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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