She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
