He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
