either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
