i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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