It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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