Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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