i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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