So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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