Small penises have feelings too.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
