Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
