just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
