Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
