I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cockslap morals
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
