i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
