He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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