i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
