Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
