words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
