she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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