When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
