i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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