literally had 100 drinks last night.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
