the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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