Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
