I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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