Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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