watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
